I am happy

For the first time since I've been home, I can confidently say "I am happy".
Coming home was so difficult and I still struggle every once in awhile. Life is not meant to be easy. We make choices that bring joy, shame, sorrow, or questions. I finally decided to embrace what I have and hope for greater things to come.

These last couple days have been awesome, too. Tuesday I had my big lab midterm for anatomy and physiology and I had studied so hard for it. I got a 99%!! I was so stoked! I've been happier and in turn am treating people better (yay!). Had an ultimate frisbee game and dominated. Making new friends. Went to the temple. Jeans that used to fit tightly fit better now. Life is so good.

One thing that has really been a major blessing in my life is the chance to magnify my calling. I still need to figure out a service project for the relief society (any ideas anyone?) and get to know the girls more, but it seems like Heavenly Father has put people in my path for me to learn from and to serve. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I love feeling like this. I love having hope and optimism. I love my major. I love life's mercies. I love that Dove Lewis Hospital is willing to take me for my internship this spring. I love that my parents are my friends. I love that I have a job and that I'm super stressed from being so busy. I LOVE IT.

I guess this is a post about how grateful I am. And one thing that has me really going is that blessing that I can still see the Lord's hand in my life on a daily basis. Nothing better.

We had a devotional the other day and Elder Koeliker from the 1st Quorum of the 70 came to speak to us. He spoke about change. And what I thought was so great was how he presented change. He taught that when one learns something, a permanent change comes about. And what hit me was this thought from the Holy Ghost as he spoke: "We must always be changing to be learning anything". That's where the gift of agency comes in and how we have to actively use our agency to change... to learn. Ponder, search, read, pray, act, open our scriptures, talk to that person, smile when we hurt. Elder Koelliker showed a video from one of his assignments in Africa about a bunch of people traveling 15 hours by bus to be blessed by temple ordinances for the first time. The joy on their face was indescribable. I wept as I watched that video because it was so true. The temple is what matters. Some people even here on this BYU campus don't get it. But through prayers and actions Heavenly Father has blessed me with people to serve and share my testimony with. I know the Savior lives. I know the Holy Ghost is abundant as we do the right thing.

Just remember how beautiful life is and embrace what's in front of you. I can promise you there's joy to be found.

I have the power

Do you ever think about what your purpose is? Not "yours" as in the human race, but "yours" personally? I do all the time. I wonder what I'm supposed to do and what path I'm supposed to be on. I feel that for the most part I have been extremely blessed to know where to be most of my life. But the future can be daunting without a lot of faith and hope.

I will probably refer to my mission a lot as I start to get back into the swing of things, but I had a total of eight companions. I love them all so very much and learned something unique about myself from all of them. They've inspired me, questioned my motives, and given me something to chew on.

One companion in particular had this incredible work ethic. She wasn't so quick in her step, but more consistent in everything she did. She worked hard and persevered to accomplish what she wanted to do. I have always been a faster paced individual with not a lot of endurance.

Coming off my mission I discovered something about my companion. Basically her life before I met her. And even miles away she still gets my juices pumping.

I have so many things I wish to accomplish. There are things I can control and now I have to decide what to do with my time.

An Elder on the mission told me once that he hopes that we spend our time lifting and encouraging others, setting the pace for the rest of our lives. He went on to say that time will always pass and it's up to us on how we will use that time. I'm surrounded by thousands of young adults day to day and everyone is doing something different. Honestly, I only see the surface but I see a lot of time on cell phones, facebook, flirting but no commitments... I find it superficial. But now it's up to me to make a choice. It's time to be perseverant like my companion taught me by her example. So... what can I do?

I've prayed and feel good about pursuing a career in veterinary technology, which is nursing for animals. I find the medical field fascinating and have a deep love for animals and a great respect for the compassion they teach and show us. I can be great at that if I choose to be.

At school there is not an opportunity for participating on a sports team. But I can better my health. I can exercise by playing the sport I love, really live the word of wisdom, and get to a place that I feel good about my hard work.

My dad so graciously sent me out his super nice guitar for me to practice on. I have been at this for maybe 4 weeks, but I have the ability to work and succeed.

Will I?

I want to. It all starts with a desire. Stay tuned. I printed out my findings about my companion and will venture to hang the article on my wall. My love and respect for her will lead me to do great things.

Healthy living?

To me, life is about beauty and discovering the beauty that lies within all of us as the human family. I choose not to spend time on things where I can't see that beauty.

Being home from being a missionary has opened my eyes to many things. One: people are not going to hell because they live a certain way right now. Two: Faith, hope, and charity will really get you through anything. And three: Life is beautiful. Not to mention countless others.

Currently, minutes before walking onto campus to catch my student ward, we were asked to tag teach teach the Word of Wisdom to the Relief Society. I am filled with gratitude for such an opportunity! There are the normal scriptures that everyone pulls out in D&C 89. What about D&C 93? About receiving truth and light through obedience to the commandments? Or Mosiah 2:41, where we are blessed in all things, both temporally and spiritually as we keep the commandments of God? Or D&C 88:124 about getting enough rest? We just did a project in my religion class on this very commandment. I know that it is a commandment from God. When you take care of what you have, it lasts longer and you just feel so much better! I gain confidence in healthy eating, enough sleep, and regular exercise. And then we must remember why we do these things...

D&C 29:34 - Wherefore, verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal; neither any man, nor the children of men; neither Adam, your father, whom I created.

Do things to make your spirit happy, not simply just your body.

Anyway, I've discovered I need to enrich my spirit more. Writing helps in that process. So.... I'm back!

Blessings Abroad

I have returned home from my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I had an experience that I will never forget. Now I am off for even more great things that I know are waiting for me. It is a blessing to have a knowledge of Jesus Christ as my Savior. Stay tuned for updates from the mish and civilian life.

It's time.

Hey there, ladies and gents!

Thank you for your support for so long. You still tickle me in the fact that you read this silly thing of mine.

I'm off on a new adventure for a while. I have been called on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to Independence, Missouri. I will be gone from March 2, 2011, and will return home to Oregon some time in August 2012.

I'm inviting you to stay tuned with what I'll be up to! Please visit this blog: Sister Victoria Moore

You can even write to me, too! There are addresses up that you can use. I also have a little bit of information up about the area I'll be serving in for the next 18 months.

So this blog will not be updated.

Thank you again. I'll see you around!

Now

It’s only goodbye for a little while.

Thinking back to one of the saddest nights in my memory, I remember crawling around trying to not be a hindrance. It was 2.5 years ago now. He folded white shirts as his friend gave him advice. I sat in the corner, not wanting to be touched by anyone but him, but that wasn’t an option anymore. He had changed in those few hours, and the previous part of the day had really no effect on this night. Eventually, I had to go home. I said my goodbye, got in my car, and cried. As I drove away, I look towards the glass window of his front door, and I see him there, watching me, as if he had followed me to the door and waited until I was gone. I wasn’t to see him for two years.

I was sad. It took a couple months to get a hold of my emotions. I went to school. And I lived. I loved and my heart broke. I ran and I fell. I initiated and came in last. I learned and I gained. I gained so much knowledge from just putting myself out there and learning how other people felt, why the world works the way it does, how my own emotions functioned, and what I was really capable of doing and becoming.

He came back, and we grew together again; the best of friends.

Now, I’m leaving.

He came back to say goodbye. As we said our goodbye, I watched him walk away to go back to school through security. At several points, he turned around to find me, and I stayed there, watching him, until he was out of sight.

Now I’m in these short few days in between him and my next chapter. I got to talking with my mom on what I’m going to do with the next few years of my life. A fire started burning again. I feel alive. I miss him, but there’s something telling me it’s going to be okay. That he and I will never forget one another and who knows what more will take place.

I will work hard and be the best I can in Missouri. I will come home and go straight out to school with my car, housing in place, school schedule decided, and fire burning. I will work at school and I will work at making money and I will work at making something of myself. I will find love and will fall into it so deeply. I will dance again like a silly girl and I won’t care who sees me. And when I do get to this point, he and I will still be the best of friends.

Because we want to be.

It’s only goodbye for a little while.

In This Together

In This Together

Original song, by: Victoria Moore

2/15/11

Dedicated to my best friend.

Flash back to when they first met

Boy and girl just wading through

Black leather jacket and no smile from the boy

Little grey t-shirt and clouds in her eyes

She needed something, she needed him

Jump ahead to him coming home

Boy and girl still wading through

Silver dolphins and memories are always with the girl

Trust and hope stand groundless in his eyes

He needed something, he needed her

Let's go for a drive and see the stars

The lights in the distance tell a story

As we both look in this direction

We have always been in this together

Most important is this, this isn't done

She catches her breath and smiles

Knowing that she has something real and true

What a fool if she were to let go

What a fool they would be

Let's go for a drive and see the stars

The lights in the distance tell a story

As we both look in this direction

We have always been in this together

Now it's her turn, she must leave

Heavy hearts from the beginning

Know she loves you, so much, and always will

Because you loved her first

She needs something, she needs you

Let's go for a drive and see the stars

The lights in the distance tell a story

As we both look in this direction

We have always been in this together

Humidity or desert, miles apart

You grew to love her differently

Years young and always on your heart

We have always been in this together

(x2)

We have always been in this together

We will always be in this together

You can love a lot of people in this world. But there is always one that you love the most.

Let's go for a drive and see the stars, the lights in the distance tell us stories

I wrote a song, and actually finished it. Words, piano, everything. I love it. :) Perhaps if I'm clever enough, I'll put it up after cheaply recording it.

Silhouettes

Dancing on the ridge

I see that solid outline of black

But you have left me to wonder

Who you really are when the day dawns

Memorizing every part of your figure

I have a 2D image in my head

And only my imagination tells me more

I can never know the truth

Until the day dawns

And that light hits you clearly

Giving new hope and excitement

And knowing I am important

Who are you, silhouette?

My headlights follow a path

And it doesn’t lead to you now

I’m working on bringing you to the new day

And then we shall cross paths

You get what you work for

But I can only do so much

For I will never know the truth

Until the day dawns

And that light hits you clearly

Who are you, silhouette?

Explanations

Have you ever given any thought to why you love someone?

Why you give so much or so little?

What about having hope or faith or lack of in someone else?

Why? Bring it down to earth for me. Why do you love someone?

...maybe because they loved you first...

I am a dog person

Did you know you can walk about 8 laps on a track within an hour while catching up with a good friend? Yep. Just happened.

I come home and leave home constantly. My parents have these two dogs. One is a golden retriever named Lucy. One is a border collie/whippet/etc. mix named Chloe (no relation to my friend from Seaside). Chloe, the dog, is very submissive and constantly in your face due to her own oddly formed habits. Lucy is more laid back. However, whenever I come home, I take Lucy on one walk and she is my shadow for the rest of time. It's endearing actually.

Have you ever been close to an animal?

I've been close to many... growing up I was in the 4-H program. Actually, before that, we've had pets my entire life. It started with cats and dogs, a few fish and even a reptile in the mix, and "Animal Planet", as Joyce so lightly calls it, began when I was 9. We went out to this farm to bring home my newest adventure in 4-H: poultry. I wanted ducks. Well, I wanted ducklings. But it's very hard to find ducklings in the fall. I found ducks, and even some chickens and ever since we've had the yard full. I constantly go back through old photos my dad has shot and saved and you see me in the yard with chickens on my shoulders, hands, and head, or surrounded with a herd of goats leaving me unable to move without taking a goat out with me. There were days where I would sit out on the lawn for hours just holding a rabbit. Heck, when it snowed feet during the winter, I made a snow cave and watched the rabbit live in it. They were some of my best friends.

The connection that we as human beings can share with the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air are sort of unbelievable until you've experienced them. A great, classic example are of horses and their riders. They prove over and over again of the bond and team created in rodeo events. Think of dogs winning obedience competitions - they must like their owners.

I watched "Secretariat" tonight... one movie out of 8 hours of media (I've discovered I really dislike Saturdays; I can never find something to keep me busy all day long). I am a sucker for inspirational stories between an animal and a human being. Does that make me a sap? At least I am comfortable with the field I chose to pursue.

Anyway, I'm here sitting in bed and as I look down, Lucy is asleep, growling at something in her dream. She thinks I'm her best friend. Cute. Oh by the way, she's the dog in my header.