Sometimes I like to pretend I am in love with my best friend, who right now doesn't exist. I do it because I like the way it feels to be in love with him. It gives me hope and reminds me that that is the most important thing to me. To love and to be loved in return is the greatest thing I could ever learn and do. I miss this part of me. I miss expressing myself through music and words and I miss finding parts of me from others' passion.
I think about him lying on the bed watching me get ready for the day, smiling because he loves me for me. I don't have to hide behind layers of makeup or hot irons. I can wear sweats and still feel beautiful because all he wants is to be with me.
I'm not ashamed of love. I'm not ashamed of wanting it. In my culture, it is hard to be my age and not be dating just yet. It's not that I don't want to. But I will know when he comes. I will smile and cheer at weddings. I will be happy for those that are happy. I will continue to show people of the love God has for them and how there is still so much ahead of us.
I am writing my story. And I trust Him.
So, sometimes I pretend to have something I don't. But it'll be all that greater when I do have him.