Just one of those days...

Sometimes the world comes crashing down on me telling me how I'm not enough of an adult to make it in this world. Lack of job which equals lack of money to live. No matter how much of myself I put out there I haven't received anything back yet; it gets discouraging after a month. No social life drives me to constant eating, which does not help anything. I was in one of those moods where I wanted to shut out the world and just think to myself. No distractions. I was short with my parents today, and they didn't do anything wrong. It's not fair to them. So to fix me, I put on a coat and my boots, grabbed one of the dogs, and walked across the street.

Lucky for me, I've learned how to bring myself up. It takes motivation which I don't always possess, but I am able to see how my actions affect my family members and when they get hurt or down from my bitter attitude, I then go into over drive and take things into my own hands. In the past I have been so dependent on close friends to be an outlet for me, spilling every emotion imaginable to them for them to handle. I never thought anything through; I just tried to justify my emotions by getting them to agree with me or at least understand. Yes, it is okay to feel and I am human. I will make mistakes. But what I don't like about complaining to the world is it brings other people down. If it were just me, I probably would not be a happy person. It's others' body language and reactions that bring me down to earth and take me off my pedestal. So when those close friends finally started showing me the right thing by changing the subject, or avoiding eye contact, or actually voicing their thoughts to me, I knew it was time to change. It was time to grow up. This world can be unforgiving, but that doesn't mean you have to be. I saw a quote somewhere that read: Be the change in the world you want to see.

I spent a while across the street. I had just one dog and I let her off the leash. She was so happy. She only gets outside of the house every so often when Mom or I take a walk, and it had been a while for her. I gave her freedom, and for it she respected me by coming back when called. That made me happy; I brought joy to her life and yet my feelings were still noticed. That was step one in my own therapy. And yes, animals are just as satisfying as a good friend.

As the dog would circle me throughout the trees, I came to the top of the hill to see a miles-wide and long view of Oregon. It was overcast, sprinkling very lightly and blue sky was patched here and there above me. I found a log and sat down facing the river in the distance and I just felt calm. I caught myself saying aloud "This sure is pretty..." and my thoughts afterward within my mind were something along the lines of: "I'm seeing this for a reason. I find this comforting for a reason". I saw birds flying in and out of trees and the dog started digging a hole. The wind sent chills down my spine but it was something meaningful to me.

I don't know why, but being able to block everything out and just escape every now and again is so healthy for me. Out at school it was impossible to get away, really, unless you drove a ways. In Oregon, I can walk across the street and see nothing but natural beauty and understanding. Heavenly Father sure knew what He was doing when he created this planet.

I'm still learning, but I feel better. I am more than ready to have DJ home, and I am more than ready to work for an earning. Come what may.

I made myself a cheese roll. You know, one of those things where you take a tortilla, melt cheese on it, and roll it up. So simple, but so good. Cheese makes life so much better. Dogs make life so much better. Amazing views make life so much better. Knowledge of the gospel makes life so much better.