Oh, how I love the rain. It washes away the old and brings new life, giving you a sense of fresh hope. 


I sat on a bed at the bottom of a window sill, and I looked outward towards the world that was looking right back at me. Through this little window sill, I could see many different things, but what I focused on was my car parked parallel to the curb and the wet pavement. My car was clean for once. All I did was park it out in the open, willing anything to affect it, because I know my tough little car can handle a lot. Little parts were still dusty as ledges and crevices blocked the raindrops from reaching certain parts of the paint. But as a whole, it looked new, fresh, clean, and I had a stronger desire to have it become a part of me. The overhang of the roof of the house left dry ledges on the driveways and I could see the spitter-spatter of drops expand and create the most chaotic and beautiful designs. Everything else was shiny and wet as it lightly rained in this small little town that I love so dearly. The damage from the heat was being healed and starting anew. I loved it. And I was it all through my little window sill under the blankets on the bed I fell for. 


I took several minutes to write out my thoughts as they raced back and forth, trying to organize them to make some order in my mind. I never really succeed until I release them. I thought of having someone special that I could drag behind me hand in hand into the pouring down rain to dance, laugh, and share in a love I so deeply crave. I want to kiss someone special in the pouring down rain. Someone who respects my mind, my body, and my spirit. Someone who can stand strong and face opposition only to come out victorious. Someone kind and warm-hearted and someone who loves me with a true, sincere love, for me. I thought of my family, the needs and wants within those relationships, and how to handle them with the help of the Spirit. I thought of how in one week I would be making a twelve-hour drive to begin a new chapter in my life. It's scary actually, in a way. I have been there before, but I am leaving behind more this time. It's more complicated this time. The only way I have decided to handle it is live every moment with no regrets. Live every moment in tune with the spirit in order to get the most of the beautiful moments I am blessed with every day. Live every moment as it was my last here in this life, because I am so truly blessed and loved by those who choose to surround me. Live every moment knowing that I am being looked after, and that my time will come. I will follow that light which warms me, because I need to. We all need to. I thought of friends and where we are on our paths home. How it is different, but not for reasons seen. I feel different, I just can't pin point it. So I'll trust, and I'll smile, and I'll love. I may not understand much at all. I may not ever become as close as I'd like. I may not get to see his journey, but I hope he'll come to me and say "hey, I have a story for you", because nothing would make me feel more loved.


You can tell a lot has happened in the past few weeks. I never write on here when I'm actually pre-occupied in life, but things are going well. There is mystery, courage, heat, beauty, and growing on my path right now, and I have never felt more alive. This little town where I grew up is meaning more and more to me. This state is meaning more and more to me. My home roots are starting to show in my journey, too. I actually want to be here, now. And that's the story of our lives, because once we are content, we are pushed forward in order to keep progressing.


Keep smiling; it looks great on you.