Realization through Inspiration

I’m sitting here in accounting and he keeps going over things that we did last week. You see, half the class has been gone on some school field trip for the past week so basically, I’ve got free time right now. At least I won’t get strangled by the teacher again.

I reread his letter. I had a change of heart. The last time I read it I was so upset about some other boy and the fact that he won’t let me in or let me bring him up that I was angry and distracted; I didn’t have my heart and head in the right place. I keep forgetting that there is a missionary up in Alaska that wants nothing more than for me to be happy along with the work he’s doing for the Lord. When I first read his email, I didn’t see anything from his side. I thought he was still trying to save this relationship when in reality all he wanted was to make sure I was happy. I read between the lines and I saw that. I felt that. I was witnessed to it. In that instant, he brought me up from where I had been and he’s thousands of miles away. I haven’t been where I’ve needed to be and because of this I’m destroying myself. Prayer continues to be such a powerful thing. Also, the home teachers came last night and talked about being spiritually prepared. When asked about why we need to be spiritually prepared, I answered trials. It’s all this cycle; Heavenly Father prepares us and then tests us to make us stronger. The same concept is used in school. I have been in a trial. I kept being dragged down and I wasn’t myself. Vicki, if something doesn’t lift you up, you don’t need to stay around long enough to start declining. Your friends and actions are going to reflect who you are.

Now, this boy that you have been distracted with has a different outlook on how to live life. You don’t need to change him if he doesn’t want it. You have an idea of how to help to even improve his life even more but if he doesn’t want to listen right now, you can’t push him. Be silent and be a friend. Show love. Show compassion. Show Christ-like attributes.

It’s hard. I was talking to my roommate the other day and she made a comment that I found fascinating. She said “Vicki, you seem to like to date projects”. At first, I didn’t know how to take it. Then she continued with something like this: “You see potential in them all and you want to bring that out in them”. I don’t want to sound conceited, but this makes a lot of sense to me. This thought has crossed my mind before but I didn’t think anything of it because I don’t want to be seen or thought of as controlling and unforgiving. In my mind, I’m here to serve them. I’m here to bring them up to be the best they can be. I want to be that instrument in the Lord’s hands to better this world one person at a time, because I remember what DJ did for me. He was persistent. He gave me something I didn’t even know I needed. It took a year or so in total, and it’s still going. Once I found and was converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ, I realized this was what I had been missing all along. I feel this same concept when I see potential for someone to rise to their fullest potential. They may be strong, happy, and content where they are, but this gospel is all about changing. You should never be content. And so, boy that I have been distracted with, I hope to be able to serve you to give you something you don’t even know you want. This is what I see and this is why I’ve been so upset with myself and, unfortunately, you. I feel I can help. I feel I can help you better yourself even more. And because you won’t let me, it saddens me.

May it come to pass; soon.