My choices, my consequences

Who am I?

Right now, I am a college student trying to take that next step in life for the right reasons. I see the beauty of this earth all around me and am so grateful for the ground I walk on. I think back to the 9 acres of timberland I grew up on for the past 16+ years and how in the spring, there are flowers and buds, butterflies and grasshoppers, new chirping and young life. In the winter, I remember the little stream that flows around the barn and behind the house and how much I love the sound of it trickling down the hill. The snow can pile up to several inches to where it is measured by feet, and it's the whitest substance we can get, I think. The trees grow heavy and some even snap, and I realize we really aren't invincible. I think of autumn and the colors of the leaves, and the weather cooling down; finding its way back into the 9 month forecast of rain. I'm under layers of cotton and fleece and yet the sky is perfectly filled with wispy clouds and warm sunlight. And then I think of summer. Everything happens in the summer time; romance, opportunities, choices, time, lasting friendships, life-altering decisions, busy work, and family. I think back to the boat and the brothers and sisters that I have grown to understand and love through the quality time spent. I think about the county and state fairs and how much I love the atmosphere of expensive fair food, barns filled with howling animals, and families choosing to spend time with one another. There's even a little competition to keep things lively, but it's all in good fun. The competition brings responsibility and commitment. I feel grown-up, even if I was only 16.

I think of the seasons backwards, because I remember things that happened recently sooner than things that happened farther back. It's more fresh in my mind and without a doubt a smile extends across my face. I smile because it happened. Sure, to experience something like that again would be a dream of mine, but I am going places where sacrifice is essential to grow. Good things shouldn't be easy.

But really... who I am? Besides a bunch of memories you may never get to hear from my perspective? A passionate, foolish girl who makes choices for the ones she loves, and she indeed loves herself, because she has worth. She has worth in so many's eyes, why not her own? She loves a challenge and both receiving and lending a helping hand. She feels the connection we have as brothers and sisters is able to be strengthened so strong that love will flourish triumphant and truth will pour out of us, as to compare us to a raging river trying to get home. She believes in a higher power who's rooting for us to come home and will help us, but believes in being responsible for one's own actions. She loves her family here and now and the one to come, and makes choices based for them, because they are everything.

She believes in a lot of things. She loves a lot of things. She also fears a lot of things because she is innocent to them. She wants to ask for help but does not want to be forgotten.

She will always be a little girl at heart, where dreams have no limitations and anything is possible.

"Good things should not be easy

This path we take will turn

The hope we hold onto

Will place us into the light"