Warning: Off on a Tangent.

Things are starting to get really exciting in my life. I get to register for classes in a week and I have decided that I needed to have a major to follow. After several days of praying, pondering, and studying, I have officially declared my major as Agribusiness, emphasis in Animal Science, with a minor in Child Development. I feel so good about this major. I met with my advisor, or one of them... they kee changing one me, and we went over the classes I should be taking for my 3rd semester of school. You ready for this? Ag Orientation worth 1 credit, New Testament worth 3 credits, Intro to Livestock Production worth 3 credits, Ag Accounting and computers worth 4 credits, and Chemistry 105 worth 4 credits. These all add up to 15 credits, but with 2 4-credit classes that include hours of class during the week as well as labs during the week, along with hopefully a part-time job, I am going to have a handful. Also, Casey will be going into the MTC in the middle of finals week this semester, and I won't get to hear him over the phone for support while I drown in chemistry. I am so proud of him. I have known him for 10 months now, and if I put a figure of himself when I first met him along side the person who he is today, you wouldn't even recognize him. He has grown so much and I am so, so grateful to be able to witness this. He doesn't know this very well, but he has been such a strength for me. I remember when DJ left August 2008. I had been baptized for a month. ONE month. And he was leaving me to fend for myself. It was a hard fall season in 2008 until I came out to school to meet Casey. I had a best friend in front of me again. But this time, I also had love. Someone cared for me again, enough that I knew if I was drowning they would jump right in there with me and save me. Someone who knows me inside and out. Now I'm getting all emotional. Don't get me wrong, I am doing what I need to be doing and he is doing what he needs to be doing. It's funny, actually. Yesterday in one of my classes, we had a group assignment to just discuss a case in class. Class went over so I had to rush to a different building for my next class. As I was getting up from my seat and picking up my backpack, this guy who I had been discussing the case with blurts out "can I get your phone number?" I was shocked, for quite a few reasons. One, I had just started talking to the kid. I knew his first name and that was it. Two, I am irrevocably in love with a boy that will always be in my heart, and as long as I know he cares that is all I need. Three, I don't like dating to begin with. How I managed to capture Casey is still a mystery to me, but it sure didn't start out with "Want to go out Friday night?" So long story short, I declined and went on my way. No phone number, no promises. I have no problems being friends with other boys, but unfortuantely I am so afraid of breaking hearts and hurting feelings that I don't want to put myself in that position. I will not fall for anyone else. I don't want to give them hope that I will look their way more than a casual relationship. I guess what I'm trying to say is my priorities and aspirations in life are set in stone for the next several months. I am not interested in dating, as dating leads to a relationship, and a relationship leads to engagement, and we all know what happens next. In all honesty, my heart will be with Casey while he is serving the Lord. I will not be a distraction, but a support, a best friend. When he returns home, I will get my closure for whatever happens. Now if this doesn't turn out in a happily ever after way, I will not regret my decision. I will not regret giving my heart to someonen and letting them in to know all about me. In my opinion, I find that such an accomplishment! if you can give your whole being to someone, even just for a short time, and be able to trust them with your heart and even your life, you should applaude yourself for it. Not everyone can do that. Unfortauntely, we are human and fear takes hold of our emotions quite easily. Many get hurt from others running, hurting, cheating, or lying. Forever they sit in their corner and think "what did I do wrong?" Newsflash, you did nothing wrong. You gave your heart and loved this person with your whole being, and you had hope. There were promises made and laugher shared, but they are all gone within an instant. I'm sorry if this has happened to you. I'm sorry you got hurt. I know what this is like. And I dealt with it by never giving up hope, by praying to my Heavenly Father and asking for answers and guidance, only to receive the answer "just love them". Just love them, they have their own lives, too. Just love them, they are scared, too. Just love them, and they will love you too. I promise. Our Savior knows how we feel during a time like this. How all we need is the kind presence of charity and our faith will be restored within the community! My challenge to you, take that next step. Ask the Lord for comfort, forgiveness, love, guidance, and protection. Offer Him a broken heart and contrite spirit. He is here to help us. We are never alone.