Never Apologize to Me For Who You Are

Recently, a lot has been going through my mind. A know it seems like there's only a couple things due to what I write about here, but in my own life, I witness many personal revelations on how to succeed in my own life. Recently, I found a song in my library that I had just looked over, called "Unapologize" by Carrie Underwood. The song basically tells about how she spilled out her feelings and then apologized for them, but she takes that apology back. Then, as I was surfing through Facebook, I saw a quote from GivesMeHope.com and it went like this "Never apologize to me for who you are". I couldn't believe it. I have been apologizing for my feelings because I feel like such a burden sometimes because I know I can do better in my actions. I know I can show others how much they truly mean to me, but instead I push them away and hide in my shell. For that, I am truly sorry, but I am not sorry for the way I feel.

There have been a few people running through my mind constantly for a couple weeksnow, all for different reasons. These nine people mean the most to me right now, and I need to share with them my mind, and how truly and sincerely I love each and every one of them.

I miss you so much. Growing up and out of that stage of being a teenager has slowly started bringing me back to earth and realizing how much you have done for me. You have never, ever, not shown your love for me. You have the strongest spirit and the biggest heart I have ever met and sadly enough, I am now just realizing it entering into my 21st year of life. I look up to you and respect your opinion. I want nothing but the best for you, and that is why I love having you come to church, because I have learned how much of a blessing this knowledge is. Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father have plans for each and every one of us, and I want you to have the most out of it. Yes, there are a lot of sticky details to this gospel, but you'll learn to understand why I fell so hard for this gospel. But you need to promise me something; don't do anything except it be for you. Don't do it for me, don't do it for the missionaries, don't do it to please others. Do it for yourself. I love you more than I have ever been able to express. 

You have been gone almost 18 months. That's SO crazy. I don't hear from you much anymore but oddly enough, I'm still comforted. I know how much you care and love me because you have proven it to me over and over again. Every time I stormed out the door you chased me and had nothing but a smile and eyes full of compassion. I know I drove you insane at times, but if it wasn't for you, I would not be half the person I am today. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being consistant and persistant. Thank you for all those late night talks where everything and everything seemed to fit so well together. I miss you terribly. You are truly my best friend and as soon as you walk through that gate in August, I will attack you. I'm sorry for attacking a missionary in advance. I love you so much. I wish I could just sit down and talk to you, but I know what you're doing is right, and I know where your heart is. Thank you for being you.

I know you haven't had the easiest time with me. I know I wasn't able to trust you completely for the longest time, yet you never went anywhere. Everyday, even though we had completely different schedules and were 2-3 hours/2500 miles apart, I still saw your name flash across my cell with a smile on the other end. I know your mission hasn't been the easiest so far too, as for the adaptation to mission life or a trainer that doesn't have his heart in the right place. I'm so sorry for getting frustrated with you. Everyone has been patient with me, but I need to be patient with you. You are so strong and your love has strengthened me and has given me hope for the past year, enough to keep me going strong. You truly are one of my best friends and I know that we will always be close. Thank you for trusting me and loving me so deeply. Keep holding on, Christ will take care of you.

You and I have hit it off since last semester and your smile is contagious. You're the roommate I needed and the friend that was patient enough to understand. Your love for the people around me fascinates me and inspires me to be better. You lift me up constantly and wherever the Lord decides to take you, I will always be here for you. I will always love you. I will always be one of your best friends. You have a beautiful family, and I know you have something big to accomplish here. I can't wait to share in that excitement with you. Never give up, I love you.

Where do I even begin with you. You and I are a lot alike. We both have emotions that fly when tampered with. We both have love that we want nothing more than to give. We both have a passion for deep connections and trust. We both want the absolute best for our friends. But something that I admire about you is something that I'm learning to obtain. You have the drive to always stay standing, no matter what crosses your path. You have had so many trials in your life and yet, you're stronger than I am. You're so beautiful inside and out. I try to be more like you in a sense everyday. I crave your beauty. Don't ever forget that you're beautiful. I love you, thank you for being one of my best friends.

You and I have gone through a lot together in the past 3 years. It's hard to believe that we really didn't like each other at first. You are such an incredible person. You have so much happiness within you and you want nothing more than to give that smile to all those around you. You trust so purely and innocently. I am so glad you are one of my best friends. I can't wait to be a bride's maid and look only 2nd best next to you. He is one lucky guy, and let's just say if he ever hurts you, he will have to deal with me. But he's lucky I love him, too. I love you forever. Thank you for being one of my best friends.

To my friends: I'm sorry for not showing you how much I truly love you. I know words only say so much because I have always believed actions speak louder than words. I am doing my absolute best and I wish for nothing but the pure joy of the spirit in your life. May life bring you compassion, hope, faith, charity, and love, just as Christ has shown to us. May you understand the miracles of this world and see the beauty all around you, just as the purity of snow after freshly falling on the sidewalks of Rexburg (one of you taught me that).

Forever and always will I love you. Thank you.