Olden days of free thinking, break me from this hold

Do you blog owners ever go back and read past posts, maybe a year or even longer ago old? Can you see a difference in the way you think then and the way you think now? It's fascinating, isn't it? I looked back to the beginning of 2009 and read the posts of my first college semester. I was so carefree and in love. I loved the world and everything that came with it. I was blissfully happy. Relationships were fun, school was challenging and creative, and I had started a whole new chapter in my life.

Not to say that I'm not happy now, because I am. I am very pleased with the way things are going. Sure, I have my stresses and I have my down days, but I've got a roof over my head, fresh food to eat, friends to keep me sane, and a family to keep me warm. I've got a car to get around with, pets to keep me company, and internet to keep me connected. I just noticed that over a year ago, I was much more free to express my feelings in my blog. I try to think why this change has happened. It might have been some comments made to me, or it might have been my own imagination not wanting to offend others. Eh, I have no idea. I've noticed I don't write much of that anymore. I'm much deeper, in a sense, which can be bright or dark.

I bring this up because I want to write about it. I want to release it in hopes of putting it behind me. I want to be carefree and in love again. I may not have that boy around right now, but I do have his spirit. I can feel his love and warmth from all the way in Alaska. He's still the understanding, loving, caring, and strong individual I know and love. So here's my start:

So, jobs are hard to come by. My old job won't hire me back because they want a more semi permanent employee, and I leave in 3 months. I've tried many other places in Scappoose, Hillsboro, Beaverton, Portland, and more. Heck, after telling myself for years I wouldn't go flip burgers, I applied at Dairy Queen. I changed my mind when I got desperate. Also, I heard a quote go something like "when I was your age, I saw burger flipping as opportunity". I think I saw it at the senior center or something. Any who, I'll be checking up there again. I have found some success in babysitting! There are a few parents that would like to hire me so at least I'm paying for gas that way. I've been doing yard work for some seniors in town, too. They are so sweet! Old people are awesome!

Besides work, here's my biggest concern (can you tell I'm a spoiled little girl?). Out of the two cars my parents have allowed me to drive, I have to decide which one I want to stick with and take out to school in the fall. I had the 4Runner last year over the Blueberry based solely on the fact I could take more stuff out to school with me. Now, being home and driving my beloved Blueberry, I forgot how much I loved that little car. However, it needs a lot of work done. There's an inch crack in the windshield from last summer that needs to be fixed before we have to replace the whole window, the tires are almost bald, the right leg is bent causing the alignment to be off, the brake pads (I think) are warped, and it needs to be cleaned inside and out. So, besides the cleaning part, this takes money. So give me lots of babysitting, pet sitting, and house sitting jobs! You won't be sorry and it'll be for a good cause. :)

Plus, summer is gone again. It showed up a little last weekend, but I miss it. Oh Mr. Sun, please come see us soon.

It's time for a change

It's time for a change. I'm just not completely happy with where I'm at right now, and so I'm making some changes. Some people dye their hair when they want a change, some buy new clothes, and some do drastic things that I really have no experience with. I have been a "go with the flow" kind of girl in most situations, but it's time to take a stand against my own life!

I've had the same email, which is after my mom's name, since I've been 13. 7 years later, in college, out of the house (for the most part), I think I should get my own personal email name, don't you think? I had started another blog in hopes of starting anew, but I can't hide who I am, so here I am returning to this original scroll of my world.

The main reason I'm "starting over" is to gain a sense identity for myself, by myself. I have a missionary friend that was just transfered to a new area in his mission. He wrote me saying how he's excited for a fresh start because no one knew him and he could be anyone he wanted. I envy that. I'm pursuing that idea. I have changed in ways I never thought possible. I have learned from the past, am enjoying my present, and am preparing for my future. I'm not going to be afraid to post my opinion. 


I heard somewhere that the way you make friends is to become vulnerable by putting yourself out there. Release a little of your past and your opinions and people start to feel safe with you. You becoming vulnerable creates a safe feeling within others... weird, I know. I started to think about it and it makes sense. Am I strong enough to do so? Looking back at my blog posts, I think so. Here goes nothing!

"White Locket" is the name I'm going to write under for the blog now. Honestly, it's really random. I was sitting here in the corner of my bed staring around the room looking for meaningful, deep, inspirational items for name ideas. I looked over at my jewelry case and remembered a small chain heart locket that is very special to me. It has a lot of sentimental value and the story behind it is quite powerful, I think. And before you jump to conclusions, no, it's not white. The color "white" has always been pure, godly, good, clean, powerful, sincere, honest, and truthful. I don't know if you're one of those people that sees the world in colors (not literally... work with me here), but every color has a meaning in my mind. Blue is soft, quiet, or even sad or mournful. Red is power, raging love, or maybe even anger or hate depending on the situation. Black is dark, clever, and dead. Just a taste of my mind there, for you.

Thank you for the support in advance. I hope I still have some juice in me. This summer really hasn't taken off. I still feel like I got home from college two weeks ago instead of six or so. I have started playing with the piano and some lyrics, so who knows what'll happen, eh?

Will your eyes tell a different story?

After being at school for 3, 4, 5, 6+ months, most of us haven't seen our families in a while. Being here at BYU-Idaho gives us a chance to really be influenced by this Disciple Preparation Center and have the chance to change through Jesus Christ. For when you return home to your families, ask yourself this question:

Will you have had a change of heart?

...

Will your eyes tell a different story?

..........................

The Story of a Father and Son

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art." The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

A few years later the man died too. Since he had no heir, all his paintings were to be sold at auction. Collectors came from all around, it isn't often that such a great collection becomes available.

As the auction opened the first painting on the platform was the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?"

There was silence.

After a few moments, a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."

But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting. Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"

Another voice angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"

But still the auctioneer continued.

 "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

"We have $10, who will bid $20?"

"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."

"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.

They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"

A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over."

"What about the paintings?"

"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including all the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything."

.................

I'm sure some of you have heard this story. Today in New Testament was the first time that I had heard of it and it really opened my eyes. Just think; we want to be able to do all of these things in life, whether they mean something or not. We want to have families and be successful, or we may just want to help our parents paint a bedroom. Whatever it is, by taking the son, we will receive these things. Everything will follow in behind.