Olden days of free thinking, break me from this hold

Do you blog owners ever go back and read past posts, maybe a year or even longer ago old? Can you see a difference in the way you think then and the way you think now? It's fascinating, isn't it? I looked back to the beginning of 2009 and read the posts of my first college semester. I was so carefree and in love. I loved the world and everything that came with it. I was blissfully happy. Relationships were fun, school was challenging and creative, and I had started a whole new chapter in my life.

Not to say that I'm not happy now, because I am. I am very pleased with the way things are going. Sure, I have my stresses and I have my down days, but I've got a roof over my head, fresh food to eat, friends to keep me sane, and a family to keep me warm. I've got a car to get around with, pets to keep me company, and internet to keep me connected. I just noticed that over a year ago, I was much more free to express my feelings in my blog. I try to think why this change has happened. It might have been some comments made to me, or it might have been my own imagination not wanting to offend others. Eh, I have no idea. I've noticed I don't write much of that anymore. I'm much deeper, in a sense, which can be bright or dark.

I bring this up because I want to write about it. I want to release it in hopes of putting it behind me. I want to be carefree and in love again. I may not have that boy around right now, but I do have his spirit. I can feel his love and warmth from all the way in Alaska. He's still the understanding, loving, caring, and strong individual I know and love. So here's my start:

So, jobs are hard to come by. My old job won't hire me back because they want a more semi permanent employee, and I leave in 3 months. I've tried many other places in Scappoose, Hillsboro, Beaverton, Portland, and more. Heck, after telling myself for years I wouldn't go flip burgers, I applied at Dairy Queen. I changed my mind when I got desperate. Also, I heard a quote go something like "when I was your age, I saw burger flipping as opportunity". I think I saw it at the senior center or something. Any who, I'll be checking up there again. I have found some success in babysitting! There are a few parents that would like to hire me so at least I'm paying for gas that way. I've been doing yard work for some seniors in town, too. They are so sweet! Old people are awesome!

Besides work, here's my biggest concern (can you tell I'm a spoiled little girl?). Out of the two cars my parents have allowed me to drive, I have to decide which one I want to stick with and take out to school in the fall. I had the 4Runner last year over the Blueberry based solely on the fact I could take more stuff out to school with me. Now, being home and driving my beloved Blueberry, I forgot how much I loved that little car. However, it needs a lot of work done. There's an inch crack in the windshield from last summer that needs to be fixed before we have to replace the whole window, the tires are almost bald, the right leg is bent causing the alignment to be off, the brake pads (I think) are warped, and it needs to be cleaned inside and out. So, besides the cleaning part, this takes money. So give me lots of babysitting, pet sitting, and house sitting jobs! You won't be sorry and it'll be for a good cause. :)

Plus, summer is gone again. It showed up a little last weekend, but I miss it. Oh Mr. Sun, please come see us soon.

A free escape

There is almost nothing better than driving my Subaru down a clear road surrounded by a variety of scenery on a hot summer day. Windows rolled down, left arm resting on the car door soaking up rays and the other hand on top of the steering wheel, controlling where my next steps will be taken. There's not a cloud in the sky and I look out and see for miles. Sunglasses on, hair tied up in a loose, messy pony tail, flip flops over the pedals and chapstick freshly applied. A mixed CD plays from the stereo bringing back grand memories from past summers and creating new ones right then and there. Wind blowing through those loose curls and the hum of the engine tells me I'm home.

There is nothing better.