Trust

Look into her eyes. What do you see?

Freckles, feathers, dreams, hope, fear, passion, strength, courage, love.... what do you see?

Look into his eyes. What do you see?

Reflections, faith, strength, courage, focus, fear, compassion, warmth, love... what do you see?

One moment leads to another more warming than the next. Physical features are substituted for something more as distance becomes in between you and your friend. You used to see each other through their eyes, but now you're left with only their voice.

Listen to her voice. What to you hear?

Laughter, warmth, care, frustration, devotion, wonder, hope, love... what do you hear?

Listen to his voice. What do you hear?

Smiling, intent, knowledge, accountability, sorrow, tensity, hope, love... what to you hear?

You can talk to each other for time that goes by far too quickly. Those wavelengths make them seem not far away at all. However, it's time to say goodbye. A goodbye that leaves you empty, broken for a time, and yet you fill with more hope than ever before. What do you have left?

Focus on her spirit. What to do feel?

Joy, devotion, more of a story than ever before.

Focus on his spirit. What do you feel?

Joy, devotion, more of a story than ever before.

She left him to God.

He left her to God.

This sacrifice is nothing more than being on a journey to discover more of yourself and more of what God would see in you, if only you would rise to that potential. Losing yourself only brings you back together stronger than before, stronger than anything physical. Because it's all a mental game; it's all felt within your bosom.

Trust in something real. Trust in something true. Trust in something reliable. Trust in something that has always been there. Trust in something loving. Trust in someone great. Trust in God.

Hope

When you say goodbye to someone and walk in separate directions, not knowing the things that you will go and do and events to come, do you ever turn your head over your shoulder just one last time to see if they turn back, too? Or do you not want to bother with something that involves so much hope in fear of your heart breaking?

You have groundless hope, and with that your head turns south in the direction of footprints leading away from where you are. You see their eyes locking on yours; a final half grin and a flicker of fingers raised with palm facing back to where those footprints originated from... That, to me, says "this isn't goodbye".

She sees the sky tonight

She sees the sky tonight. Dark and mysterious as clouds line the stars and the moon shines through the air. As she travels along the paved, solemn road, she listens, and she listens carefully. The hum of the engine keeps her company and that security is enough to comfort her through the weeds of stumps and branches that line the road. Her heart relaxes. It receives a message of hope, of love, of faith, and of charity, that this world really has bigger things to see and the time is coming soon. That smile on her face so sincerely widens as her eyes gently shut for just a moment, to imagine the image of new directions and discoveries. She glances through the glass and sees the darkest red clouds slowly declining from the side of the moon, creating a gently slope that soon levels off above the horizon. As the moon sits near the top of the ledge, dusts of silver clouds surround the light. Deep, royal blue space filled with billions of sparkling fires fills the other half of the sky. As she nears the end of her journey for just one night, she notices change. The moon was behind the red sky. She felt uneasy. Her friend was hiding. The hum dies, creating silence, still the water from late Spring rains crosses tiny boulders and habitats. With her heart slow, she builds the courage to look one last time. Her friend was smiling at her, without brimstone to weigh him down. She was a little girl again, watching stars fall making wishes full of hope with her security right beside her.

She has things planned for her. Her hope will get her through anything.

Olden days of free thinking, break me from this hold

Do you blog owners ever go back and read past posts, maybe a year or even longer ago old? Can you see a difference in the way you think then and the way you think now? It's fascinating, isn't it? I looked back to the beginning of 2009 and read the posts of my first college semester. I was so carefree and in love. I loved the world and everything that came with it. I was blissfully happy. Relationships were fun, school was challenging and creative, and I had started a whole new chapter in my life.

Not to say that I'm not happy now, because I am. I am very pleased with the way things are going. Sure, I have my stresses and I have my down days, but I've got a roof over my head, fresh food to eat, friends to keep me sane, and a family to keep me warm. I've got a car to get around with, pets to keep me company, and internet to keep me connected. I just noticed that over a year ago, I was much more free to express my feelings in my blog. I try to think why this change has happened. It might have been some comments made to me, or it might have been my own imagination not wanting to offend others. Eh, I have no idea. I've noticed I don't write much of that anymore. I'm much deeper, in a sense, which can be bright or dark.

I bring this up because I want to write about it. I want to release it in hopes of putting it behind me. I want to be carefree and in love again. I may not have that boy around right now, but I do have his spirit. I can feel his love and warmth from all the way in Alaska. He's still the understanding, loving, caring, and strong individual I know and love. So here's my start:

So, jobs are hard to come by. My old job won't hire me back because they want a more semi permanent employee, and I leave in 3 months. I've tried many other places in Scappoose, Hillsboro, Beaverton, Portland, and more. Heck, after telling myself for years I wouldn't go flip burgers, I applied at Dairy Queen. I changed my mind when I got desperate. Also, I heard a quote go something like "when I was your age, I saw burger flipping as opportunity". I think I saw it at the senior center or something. Any who, I'll be checking up there again. I have found some success in babysitting! There are a few parents that would like to hire me so at least I'm paying for gas that way. I've been doing yard work for some seniors in town, too. They are so sweet! Old people are awesome!

Besides work, here's my biggest concern (can you tell I'm a spoiled little girl?). Out of the two cars my parents have allowed me to drive, I have to decide which one I want to stick with and take out to school in the fall. I had the 4Runner last year over the Blueberry based solely on the fact I could take more stuff out to school with me. Now, being home and driving my beloved Blueberry, I forgot how much I loved that little car. However, it needs a lot of work done. There's an inch crack in the windshield from last summer that needs to be fixed before we have to replace the whole window, the tires are almost bald, the right leg is bent causing the alignment to be off, the brake pads (I think) are warped, and it needs to be cleaned inside and out. So, besides the cleaning part, this takes money. So give me lots of babysitting, pet sitting, and house sitting jobs! You won't be sorry and it'll be for a good cause. :)

Plus, summer is gone again. It showed up a little last weekend, but I miss it. Oh Mr. Sun, please come see us soon.

recent thoughts.

It's funny to think how different people can be. How you think you may start to know someone and then suddenly they dish out something new. How no matter how close you're getting, you really aren't making any progress. How, once you think someone is lifting you up, you think they will be that way forever. Unfortunately, people aren't constant. People are human.

I look at my friends and when they tell me things quite personal to their emotions, I think to myself "what have I done to deserve such trust?" One of the best things, one of the most sure things to make me smile, is to have someone come to me and trust me enough to let me in. To let me know just a little bit about their heart and who they are deep down inside. Some people show up out of nowhere and all I can think to myself is "you are here to bless my life, somehow, someway".

I believe that everything that happens does happen for a reason. The people you room with, the people you grew up with, the family members you have, the students in your class, the schmo on the street passing you by, they all are there for a reason. Whether or not you see it, they've changed you. That girl that walked past you and avoided eye contact was there for a reason. Maybe she needed you to bless her life, and in turn would warm your heart inside. Maybe that boy that holds the door open for you to walk out of the chilled wind will someday be your best friend, and your paths will cross again. The possibilities are endless.

Although, a lot of times, I think I'm overthinking things. I might be. I probably am, but my hope doesn't die. Everyone that I co-exist with is important to me. They are all children of our same Heavenly Father. If He loves them, why shouldn't we? Shouldn't we be honest and sincere with all our fellow men? Shouldn't we take an interest in their lives, even just for a split second? Shouldn't we make sure everyone in the room feels included?

Unfortunately, not everyone acts that way. Everyone has different perspectives and because of this, they act differently. Sometimes we feel so attached to someone that we feel they complete us. We don't want to let go even for a millisecond because they keep us breathing. But the truth is, we have to. We won't progress unless we take risks. I learned this the hard way. My best friend baptized me into a brand new life, and left one month later. I found a new best friend, and he left a year later. I'm finally standing on my own. I had to; the Lord comes first.

Now as I look around, I see the people that I encounter everyday. I see the 5+ boys in accounting that never fail to make me laugh. I see the boy and 3 girls that always make me smile in New Testament. I see the 3 boys in chemistry that keep me sane when the microscopic world doesn't make sense. I see the girl in animal science that keeps me motivated. I see the girl in agriculture orientation that inspires me to be the best I can be. I see the people who are willing to save some time for me and make me feel included. I see the best friends that I have grown to love. And I see in my heart the friends that aren't physically present, but that I know will always have a place in my heart.

I have a sign up on my wall that reads "Wherever you are, it is your friends who make your world". I have always believed your friends reflect who you are. Our parents were right to teach us "choose your friends wisely" throughout the years; there was a reason for this. There's always a reason. It happened for a reason. Do we know? Not necessarily. Will we ever know? Yes. When? The Lord will reveal these things to us when He sees fit. Trust in Him. And have hope.

Hope will get you through anything.

It Happened for a Reason

I really like these quote things lately... can you tell?

Sure, I miss my best friends a lot. Sure, I miss people that were once constant in my life. Sure, I miss experiences. Sure, I miss times I've laughed with others (or at myself for that matter). Sure, I miss feeling certain emotions. Sure, I miss certain events. But guess what? Dr. Seuss is very, very wise.